woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
