I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
