I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
