My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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