fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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