Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
