so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
