Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
