it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
