oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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