I cockslap morals
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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