bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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