I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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