Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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