One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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