We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
