just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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