We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
