Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
