If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
