My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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