I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
