Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
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Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize