In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
