im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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