How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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