i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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