OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
