Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
babies were throwing up all over the place
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
