no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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