fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
