I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
