ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
