Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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