So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor