I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Boobs are out for the taking
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.