She is in my trunk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere