it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.