I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
