we have pet lesbian snakes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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