i will never coherently bang her
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
