shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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