Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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