I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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