After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
