i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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