I just saw a hot homeless man
i already hear my dad disowning me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
