there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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