I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
