I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
