My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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