I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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