I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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