If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
