Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
