Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
