so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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