So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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