Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
