We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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