i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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