Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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