god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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