Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
