just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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