his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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