Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
