so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
