I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
