so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
