What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
