the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Farmville is her only friend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
