i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
